Seems suicide is happening more and more frequently. It has been on the news quite a bit this week with Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade and their passing. I am of two minds because it blows me away that people do not understand how this can happen, and two, that it is happening in the first place.
Why do I understand this "sudden" phenomenon? Because I spend a lot of time in the dregs and miasma of wishing I was done with this life. My mother once tried to commit suicide with us kids right in the home. I once tried myself when I was 21. I get it. Would I try again? Cannot unequivocally say no I would not, but I do not think so.
When you try to talk of your feelings and emotions to someone, anyone, they do not want to hear it. They think you are Debbie Downer (no offense to any Debbie's out there). They think you are negative. They think you need help. At best, they tell you that you need help and advise that you see someone. How does this help?
For me, I know why I get down, I know what I want, what I need. I can talk until I am blue in the face to "someone," but it does not change the situation. Medications? Really? I personally do not want to be tied to them. I get that they take the edge off. But it still does not fix the problems.
I maintain that everybody wants and needs to be loved. I maintain that everybody wants and needs to matter to someone. I maintain that our "friends" are too busy with their own lives to be there when we really need them. Or they are going through their own particular hell. Who knows? We all deserve respect and human dignity. Yes, there are pure and simple dirtbags out there with psychologically twisted thinking. I get it. I do not know what causes it, but I get it. Maybe if we had parents who spent the requisite time building us up, teaching us, loving us...maybe this is all it takes. And then again, maybe not because I did have that much going for me. Yes, I guess I still have my Leave It to Beaver mentality and idea of what life should be for all of us. Dreamer.